So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
