I need help removing her.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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