Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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