you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
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I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I sprained my soul last night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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