My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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