I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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