i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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