I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
