so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
