I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i will never coherently bang her
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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