sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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