watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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