just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
3 2 1 whiskey
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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