The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
