Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
