Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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