I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
