Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
