I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
