my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
