If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize