Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
