This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
