My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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