I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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