i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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