remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize