whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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