I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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