We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
