Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize