we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
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She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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