my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
