I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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