rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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