Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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