You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
