considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize