I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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