i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
