So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
