My liver just broke up with me...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
false alarm. still invincible.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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