i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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