Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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