DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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