life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
