She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
