I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
