I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
