She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
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Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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