Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
