so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
