i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
