My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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