Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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