I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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