i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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