Do you still have your period?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
