the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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