omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize