A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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